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What to Do When Your Love Grows Cold

If someone could peel back your heart to see what or whom you are passionate about, what would they find? More importantly, would they find any fire in your belly?


Is there a burning desire to fulfill your destiny? Do you find yourself excited about addressing a great cause? Are you still hot for your spouse? Are you passionate about your relationship with God? If you are a leader, did you wake up this morning ready to face whatever life throws at you—with joy?


If not, why not?



If your love for a person, a previous passion, or your God-given purpose is on life-support or already dead cold, what happened?


Here are a few things to consider:


  • Have you lost your passion because you neglected your fuel? Even a huge bonfire eventually fades to smoldering ash without new wood. The only way to keep a fire going is to feed it. What feeds your soul? What fuels your enthusiasm? Great leaders, companies, and churches became great by tapping into their passions and doing so again and again. What are your emotional, physical, and spiritual gauges showing? Maybe it’s time to refuel.


  • Have you made it (whatever you’re doing) too much about you? Self-centered narcissism is like dumping ice on your passions. Sadly, if you forget that it’s not just about you and what you want or think you need, you start to drift into the lukewarm waters of me-ism. When you make a relationship about what you can get out of it, things grow cold quickly. When you make your role as a leader about you, the result is emptiness, not true meaning or fulfillment. Passion is maintained when you are otherly.


  • Have you and what you do become far too complicated? It is the nature of things to go from simple to complicated. What once started as a clear-cut and straightforward mission often ends up over-regulated, complex, and convoluted. A problem occurs, and we create a policy. We hit a roadblock, so we develop more procedures or systems to help us (or so we hope) avoid this same barrier in the future. Sometimes, however, less is more. There’s a reason why new relationships, new companies, and new churches often grow rapidly. They are simple and streamlined, which makes it easier for the participants to be focused and effective. Maybe it’s time to simplify, return to your “first love and do the things you did at first?”



The older I get, the more I realize how easy it is to live on cruise control. It’s safe and convenient to get into a routine. I find comfort in the predictable. Sadly, there’s little passion in the zone of security and ease.


But what if you and I lived every day of our lives—right up to our last breath—with a burning hot passion for something that is bigger than we are? What if we were consumed by a holy obsession to make a positive difference in the place where we live and work? What if we stayed willing to the end to give our very lives, if need be, for an eternal cause?


What if?


Would you risk everything for something that truly matters? I hope so. I pray so. And I know that is the place where you and I find the adventure of God’s abundant life—not in a La-Z-Boy, but where we put it all on the line.


It’s time to get hot again!



“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, 

and no mind has imagined

what God has prepared

for those who love him.”

1 Corinthians 2:9  (NLT)


Kurt Bubna

Kurt W. Bubna has published seven books, is an internationally recognized blogger, conference and retreat speaker, as well as an experienced life and leadership coach. Bubna has over forty years of experience working with individuals, teams, and a wide variety of business and non-profit organizations.

This Post Has 7 Comments

  1. Ronna Snyder

    Super “hot” message, my friend!

  2. Patti Rokus

    Kurt, you have a way of reigniting desire for, as you put it, “a holy obsession to make a positive difference.” Matter of fact you remind us that it’s possible to have that passion, and that the fire can burn again. I often neglect “sharpening the saw” because I’m too busy sawing away, and inevitably I get dull and bored and boring. You’re absolutely right, it’s time to stand up and be counted, and love every minute of it. Thanks for the inspiration!

  3. Holly Webb

    Love this Kurt! I am printing it right now to pray and contemplate more about it.

  4. Karen Reinhart

    It is so true that many people have lost their passion FOR something. All the time on Facebook I see passionate posts AGAINST something, but it’s less common to see people take a stand FOR something good and important. Sometimes we need to declutter and put in order more than our closets and to focus positive energy on others and the eternal.

  5. Shira Garnett

    Good read, Kurt! Thank you for sharing

  6. Lorilee Mundfrom

    What a great message for me today. My passion for “otherliness” has grown lukewarm and I want to rejuvenate it through the Word, prayer, and worship!

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