Perfectly Imperfect – A Travel Guide for Life, Faith, and Relationships!

I wish I could tell you my number one prayer over the decades has been something profoundly spiritual like, “Thank you, God.” Or maybe something along the lines of, “I need your help, Jesus.” Or perhaps, “I love you, Lord, thanks for loving me!”

However, I’m sure my most frequent prayer has been more like, “What is going on, God, and WHY is this happening?”

Of course, I know I shouldn’t be surprised by how little I understand about life on planet Earth. I’m painfully aware of my limitations. The older I get, the more I realize how little I truly know. And I frequently have more questions than answers.

Why does that person keep doing that?

Why do I keep doing that?

Why aren’t more people experiencing the presence and power of God?

Why does everything seem so hard these days?

Why aren’t you healing my friend?

Why didn’t the thing I expected to take place happen the way I expected it to?

And the heavens seem silent.

So I get discouraged.

Depressed.

Frustrated.

Maybe even a little angry.

Then, finally, when I make some time to be alone with God, alone with my thoughts and questions and doubts, something (Someone?) deep within me whispers:

“Faith is believing and trusting when you don’t see and don’t hear and don’t know why. Hoping in Me means moving forward even when nothing makes sense. Faith isn’t feeling or seeing; it’s knowing—knowing I will never abandon you or let you down.”

Part of me wants to scream, “I KNOW! I KNOW! Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. For heaven’s sake, God, I get it! But why is life so hard sometimes?”

And then I remember something Bob Goff wrote: “Wanting to have all the answers now isn’t bad, it just isn’t faith. Stay the course.”

Sigh.

Okay, God, but why the silence?

Some believe their prayers are unheard or unanswered because they are unworthy or undeserving of God’s attention and favor. I used to think that maybe I didn’t pray hard enough, long enough, often enough, or with the right words. 

How long will it take me to learn?

It’s never about my ability to pray or my intellectual capacity to figure everything out. It’s not about the size of my faith, only the size of my God. And the silence is far more about what is happening in me rather than what is or isn’t happening for me.

It’s always about Him and His purposes because He is God and I am not.

How silly of me to demand all the answers all of the time. How arrogant of me to insist on seeing all that God sees. How crazy is it to expect that I will know what is often unknowable (at least on this side of eternity)?

No, God is not deaf; the heavens aren’t silent. He is not absent. Nor has He has forsaken us.

In truth, He’s not messing with us.

He’s molding us.

Even when I feel like the walking dead, unable to see or hear or feel,

I will not be consumed by the fear or reality of evil.

Why not? Because in my heart of hearts I know,

You are with me, protecting, guiding, and comforting me;

You will never abandon me to the darkness.

Psalm 23:4

(Bubna Paraphrase)