You know you’re old when . . .

P Pet Old Lady and DogIn acknowledgement of my 58th birthday, here are some insights about getting older.

You know you’re old when: 

  1. You can’t sit down or stand up without groaning.

  2. Both you—and your parents—qualify for the senior discount at KFC.

  3. Old stuff is new stuff, and you wish you’d kept your bell-bottoms.

  4. Your morning constitutional matters more than the 2nd Amendment.

  5. Your heating pad is your new best friend.

  6. You don’t care who has the remote because you’re just going to fall asleep anyhow.

  7. You get more calories from pills than from food.

  8. Hair growth happens in the weirdest places.

  9. You occasionally walk into a room to do something, but you can’t remember what.

  10. A good night’s sleep is measured by the number of times you get up.

  11. You get on a bus and young people offer you their seat.

  12. You’re taking the bus because your kids took your car keys away.

  13. Your potbelly no longer matters to you.

  14. You wish you held stock in Beano because everything gives you gas.

  15. You are told on a regular basis, “You already told me that.”

  16. You only hear half of most conversations, and you’re fine with that reality.

  17. You have the manual dexterity of an elephant.

  18. You know when a storm is coming better than any meteorologist.

  19. You know what an 8-track is—and you still own a few.

  20. You go shopping at Forever 21 or Buckle and the employee asks, “Are you shopping for your grandson or granddaughter?”

  21. You have no idea what the store Buckle is or where it’s located.

  22. Snap, crackle and pop used to reference a cereal you ate as a kid, not a sound your body makes on a regular basis.

  23. You occasionally stress out attempting to find things that are not really “lost”—like the glasses on your head.

  24. You can’t remember the last time you needed an alarm to wake up.

  25. Young people consistently call you “sir” and you wonder who they’re talking about.

  26. Brooke Shields turns 50.

  27. You’d rather listen to fingernails scratching a chalkboard than rap music.

  28. You’ve actually used a chalkboard.

  29. You’ve used Old Spice since LBJ was president.

  30. You get to the point at which you stop worrying about gray hairs because you’ve earned every one of them.

They say you’re only as old as you think you are, but “they” are probably much younger than you or I. That being said, I think it’s always good to embrace reality and make the best of it. I’m comfortable in my skin. How about you?

 “Gray hair is a crown of splendor;

it is attained in the way of righteousness.

Proverbs 16:31 (NIV)

 cool fashion elder man with electric guitar

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