As a general rule, I try to be transparent, and I will blog more about the value of transparency next week, but this is a new level of openness even for me.
Recently I have come face to face with a weighty reality.
I have been desperate for a long time.
Desperate to know what God has for me next.
Desperate to get past some doubts that have plagued me for a long time.
Desperate to feel God’s overwhelming power and presence again.
I truly long to experience a fresh encounter with Jesus. I want a tidal wave of His presence washing over me that will renew the deepest part of my soul that feels so empty at times.
God has mercifully given me far more than I deserve in so many ways, but I know something is off. Something is missing.
There is more. There has to be something more. There must be.
To be clear, I am not discontent with what I have from the Lord. On the contrary, I am a trophy of His grace and grateful, humbled, and truly amazed by God’s goodness to this recovering idiot.
But I thirst.
I hunger.
I long for more.
Not more stuff. Not more money. Not more fame. Not even for more personal happiness.
Just more of Him.
I want to see the lame walk and the blind see.
I desire (with all of my heart) to be in the middle of another new revival where millions of the broken are rescued and redeemed.
I need to find myself once again unable to stand in His presence while I worship with abandonment.
What I hope for isn’t some form of religious hype or contrived emotionalism.
What I long for isn’t “the good ol’ days” of days of some previous movement of God.
What I need is something so fresh, so real, and so incredible that nothing from the past can define or explain it.
Something new.
Something deep.
Something that changes hearts, souls, and lives so profoundly that only Jesus gets applause.
I am desperate for that—an indescribable and intangible encounter with God. That type of encounter often defies human explanation, but you can feel it, see it, and almost taste it when it happens.
It’s something akin to what the Apostle Paul experienced when he said, “I was caught up to paradise and heard things so astounding that they cannot be expressed in words . . . .”
Perhaps you’re thinking right now, Whatever, Bubna, why can’t you just accept things the way they are? Life is good. Chillax.
Frankly, I don’t expect everyone to understand. But once you’ve tasted of the Lord’s power and presence, you are forever impacted—ruined in the holiest of ways.
Settling for mediocrity isn’t an option. Accepting things as they are isn’t possible anymore.
The Psalmist wrote that he was desperate to be in God’s presence. More than anything, and with his whole being, he desperately longed to be with the living God.
Me too.
So what do you do when your soul aches for more?
- Position your heart.
- Remove anything that is getting in the way. Only an empty vessel can be filled, and only new wineskins can contain new wine.
- Wait for Him.
- Don’t give up.
- And when God comes, embrace the new with abandonment.
And so I’ve been repenting (a lot).
Waiting.
Looking.
Listening.
Hoping in hope.
Early this morning, I was struck by this truth: God wants more for you and me too.
Incredible, huh?
The God of the universe, the Lord of everything, the all-knowing and all-powerful, wants us to know and experience more of Him.
God longs for us to long for more of Him because He knows we were made for a deep relationship with Him.
Our ultimate contentment is found in communion with our Creator.
Intimacy with Him matters.
God’s power demonstrated through the weak (like you and me) matters.
Worship matters.
Nothing and no one matters more than the One who loved us more than His own life.
So, here’s my heartfelt prayer, “Come, Holy Spirit. Come. This fractured and desperate man longs for You more than his next breath.”
There is genuinely only one thing I need
and want from God,
I want to behold Him and live in His presence
every moment and every day of my life.
I long to look upon His incredible beauty,
and to passionately worship Him
with the community of faith.
Psalm 27:4 (Bubna Paraphrase Version)
Well said Kurt. I can certainly relate to this feeling of desperation, especially after the last year of chaos we’ve just endured.
Thank you, Josh. It has been a tough ride this past year!
Hi Pastor Kurt, I’m an intercessor & I understand what you’re saying! I’ve been under the Lords gaze & mentoring for many years., knowing that He’s preparing me for what He mentioned in an interdenominational prayer group I was in years ago as the “David’s end time company “ or David’s remnant, the men David gathered around him in the cave of Abdullah. Ive had many dreams of revival. I’ve been like Moses who said “if you’re not with me than I’m not going “. I am on high alert , praying, worshipping, longing & waiting to see where He next wants to plug me in . Desperate is the perfect word to describe where I’m at now. The Lord has laid on my heart He’s done with lukewarmness & a form of godliness that denies the power there of. The revival & harvest of souls has begun with the young people . Tell Jessi hi for me, he’s a friend of mine.
Hi Karen, “desperate” is a good word when it has to do with longing for more of Him. Praying with you!
I am looking for a deep relationship with God too! Thsnk you for your wonderful message today.
Thank you, Lynn! Love you!
More of you, more of you, I have all but what I need is more of you. Of things I’ve had my fill but yet I hunger still, empty and bare Lord hear my prayer for more of you. That old song came to mind as I read your blog. You have written my hearts cry. Thank you Pastor.
Beautiful old song. Love it. Love you.
Me, too, Pastor Kurt. Your words for me, too.
Thank you, Linda. Praying with and for you for more of Jesus!
YES!!! This is the personal part of The Renewal/Revival we have longed for and been praying for–for so long! And even more since the pandemic hit and is still going on in many countries and due to the depth of divisiveness in America including within the body of Christ. The change we long for has to start somewhere…prayer and waiting on God has to be part of that new beginning. Not a laundry list of wants and needs–much deeper than that. As you so eloquently put it–longing for increased intimacy with the One who loves us most and works everything for the good of those who are called according to His purpose–and will answer that call!
Thanks for sharing. And the reminder that we are loved. You are loved, Kurt!
So well said, Kay. Thank you for sharing your heart with us! You are loved…
you have touched on a topic I struggle also with. I keep thinking there must be more God has for me, I want to be used by Him to touch more lives, and I feel I’m doing so little. And, yet, I also ask myself, is my concern one of wanting to be closer to Him and doing more out of love for Him, or, sometimes, is there an element of self pride. Do I want to be ” seen” more and recognized more? I know I love Him deeply and rejoice in all he has done for me, but the ” green eyed monster” has a tendency to pop up unwanted at bad times.
Hi Bruce, I think it’s good that we (you and me) are aware of our human nature but hungry for more of God’s nature in/through us. As long as we are in these earth-suits (i.e., bodies) there will be tension with the flesh. However, that only causes me to want more of Jesus! Love and appreciate you!
God is good all the time and he has blessed me far more than I could ever imagine. I am there with you looking for the “what’s next” And have felt for sometime that I am in a preparation for something coming up. I’ve been focusing for the last few months reading dusty volumes on the attributes of God, and the deeper I dig the more amazed I become that God could ever use me. Thank you for your honesty and your transparency. I appreciate you more than you could know.
Hi John, I’m curious, what “dusty volumes” are you reading? Love and appreciate you, my friend.
Here’s my list (so far)
AW Tozer:
The Pursuit of God
The Knowledge of the Holy
The Attributes of God Vol 1 A Journey into the Father’s Heart
The Attributes of God Vol 2 Deeper into the Father’s Heart
J I Packer:
Knowing God
Arthur Pink:
The Nature of God
The Sovereignty of God
J. B. Phillips:
Your God is Too Small
Chip Ingram:
The Real God
Tony Evans:
The Power of God’s Names
Wow! Great list! Thanks for sharing it.
I have been feeling the same longing! You are not alone! I pray in agreement with you!
Thank you, Julie! Let’s just keep praying until we see the next thing God wants to do and through us. You are loved!