I hurt a friend today . . .

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Failure tearsIt wasn’t intentional, and it wasn’t done with any evil motivation or wicked design. There wasn’t any master plan to damage this person or our relationship. In fact, I did what I did thinking it was best for all concerned, but it wasn’t.

Ever been there? You’re trying to avoid stepping in a pile of poo only to find yourself knee deep in it. You honestly expected something good, or at least you didn’t believe it was awful, but the result was all messed up nonetheless.

When this happens to me, I usually find myself self-absorbed with regret and disappointment. I can’t sleep. I can eat (way too much comfort food). And I keep replaying what happened over and over in my brain-damaged noggin as if somehow reliving the experience will change something.

Note to self: It doesn’t.

When reality starts to creep in, I realize again that I can’t undo what’s been done, so I tend to go from regret to despair.

“What’s wrong with me? Why did I do that? When am I going to learn?”

I keep hoping that someday I’ll get beyond failure and be mistake-free. Uhhhh, guess what? I am growing, but the likelihood of me becoming perfect any day soon is an unreasonable expectation.

I have failed.

I do fail.

I will fail.

So what should I (we) do in the face of our brokenness and humanity? Here are some things to consider:

  • Get real. There was only one person who ever walked on planet earth without sin, and it’s not you or me. Of course, this doesn’t ignore or excuse our stupidity and sin, but we’ve got to stop beating ourselves up for being human. I find great comfort in these words found in Psalm 103:14 (NLT), “God knows how weak we are; He remembers we are only dust.” God gets us. He knows better than we do the weakness of our flesh. I’m pretty sure He expects more failure from us than we do.
  • Get forgiven. The best and only real antidote to failure is forgiveness. We must ask God to forgive us. We must ask the offended to forgive us. And in the end, we must forgive ourselves. To walk in unforgiveness is foolish, and it denies the power of the cross and what Jesus did for us. Forgiveness frees us from the ugly cycle of regret, self-anger, and despair. Live by these words of David, “Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered” (Psalm 32:1, NIV).
  • Get better. I truly wish I could learn every lesson without ever making any mistakes, but I seem destined to learn most lessons the hard way. What matters most, however, is learning and growing. Again, we all fail, but we don’t all take to heart the lessons we can learn through failure. Someone once coined the phrase, “When you fail, fail forward.” In other words, keep going and growing even when you blow it. Stuck sucks! So rather than getting stuck in a pity party, let your failures teach and mold you into a better man or woman of God.

I love this verse written by another man prone to failure, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8, NIV).

Love covers. Period. End of story.

It covers our idiocy. It covers our mistakes. It covers our sins. Mine and yours.

So above all, I’ve decided to live loved when I fail and love others deeply when they fail me.

How about you?

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11 Responses to I hurt a friend today . . .

  1. Thank you for writing Epic Grace!
    I picked it up because my sis, Diane told me about your great adventure!
    I’ve cried and laughed through the first 15 chapters!
    I read the first half in one sitting and now I am enjoying the rest!
    Identifying a lot w/your struggle and enjoying your humorous word pictures that give the visual punch a lot like Billy Crystal!
    That’s who I’m reminded of, often because of his descriptive painful blunders he plays in the movies!
    Love the joy that you bring to my heart, bringing comfort in recognizing our humanity and the forgiveness that our God so longs for us to receive!
    Joy to you Kurt for your transparency it does a body good & spirit!

    Sharon

    • Thank you so much, Sharon. I’m really glad the book is blessing and encouraging you. Don’t think I’ve ever been mentioned in the same sentence with Billy Crystal! Made me smile… 🙂
      You are loved,
      Kurt

  2. This is silly, quoting a Bible passage to a Pastor, but I am a little weird and this has meaning for me. Read it all. Paul was a great man, and he was personally chosen by Jesus to bring His message to all of US. He did a wonderful job, and has for centuries, given us all guidelines that are true. So, if Paul can have problems, well, what are we to do??? Learn from what we do wrong, and pray a lot and as Kurt says, ask forgiveness and ATTEMPT to do better next time.
    Roman 7:
    14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

    21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

    Jesus is the ONLY answer. For everything. Keep praying!!!

  3. Hi Kurt,
    This doesn’t relate to your topic, but I wanted to see if you are the same Kurt Bubna who is married to Laura, and if your family took care of my baby son 25 years ago while I was in the hospital. His name is Jordan and this family had him for 6 weeks and brought him to visit me in the hospital. I was just looking at a picture of that family and had your names written by it. I was telling my other son what a blessing that family was to us. I decided to look them up on Facebook. I have remarried but my name then was Sharon Gibler. If that’s you, can you let me know?
    Thanks!!

    • Hi Sharon,
      Yes! It’s us. Wow! So amazing to reconnect after all these years. Please give Jordan our love. You can connect with Laura on Facebook (she would love that) at Laura “Battles” Bubna and me as well.
      You are loved,
      Kurt

  4. Hello 🙂

    I just wanted to take the time to say thank you for Epic Grace. I don’t believe it was just some mere coincidence that I found your book. Nearly every time I open up your book it almost exactly pertains to what I’m going through…I’m only half way through and at the finish of every chapter I want to cry. Thank you for your brutal honesty. I truly tThank jesus for using you to speak to me. I’m only 21 and in that utterly confusing and depressing time of life and words just can’t fully express how much I value your wisdom..its almost like having a mentor by my side when I don’t fully have a ton of friends

    So thank you. 🙂

    • Hi Jasmine,
      So glad you’re getting impacted by Epic Grace. Your very kind words meant a lot to me. In fact, what is happening to you as you read my simple words is why I write. KNOW I am praying for you. Hold on…you are loved.
      Kurt

  5. I think this is one of my favorite of your blog posts. Always appreciate your transparency lovingly outreaching to others to give them a hand out from the pit of condemnation and despair of all sorts. Very helpful and uplifting advice as usual!

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